Alpha Female

Janet, as I've said, loved dogs. But she had no illusions about their morals. As she put it, dogs were never evil, but they were often wicked. And since we've had nothing but girl dogs, Janet sometimes found herself getting challenged occasionally by wannabe alpha mutts trying to work their way up the pack social ladder. Seriously, dogs are like that.

Not that our dogs ever had a chance. Janet had long years of teaching teenage girls behind her. Janet got to go first. All the time. Janet got to have the nice food. And so on. And having Janet's sense of humor, she would occasionally rub their fuzzy little noses in it (figuratively speaking). I remember getting her a stuffed Wells Fargo pony when she wasn't feeling well and needed some bedrest. Janet promptly freed from its corporate bondage by removing its logo-encrusted tack, then set it on the bed next to her. Cue dog jealousy, as Molly adored stuffed toys. By adore, I mean liked to eviscerate them given 27 seconds alone with them. So Molly snuck up to the veeeeeery edge of the bedroom doorway, giving Pony the border collie stare. Pony was safe enough, though. The bedroom prohibition was yet another way of enforcing pack hierarchy, and poor Molly knew there was no coming in and getting to play with Pony. Not with Janet ready to give her the proverbial hairy eyeball.

Janet didn't leave it there, though. When she spotted Molly lusting after her toys, Janet picked up Pony and started galloping him across the bedcovers, glancing over to Molly to make sure that the dog got the idea that there were people in the house that got to play with the best toys, and Molly wasn't included in their number. God, how that dog whined. Until Janet told her to be quiet. Then we got this itty bitty whimper, followed by a severe sulk.

I don't know. Perhaps this wasn't the best dog training technique, but particularly with Janet's health, she couldn't risked getting bowled over by disobedient animals. But, to be perfectly honest, I think she just thought it was hilarious. And you know what? Those dogs loved her desperately, or at least knew they needed to suck up to her.